A note before spewing satire. Political violence, any violence, is tragic. It is unconstitutional. There’s a direct correlation between the prevalence of guns in our culture and death. There are incendiary, destructive, offensively irresponsible rumors flying. And, to quote Heather Cox Richardson, “We have one of two major political parties actively trying to destroy democracy.”1 It should go without saying that a peaceful discourse on ideas is a civic right and responsibility.
Okay…
Thank you. Thank you. I usually hate saying thank yous, but I like songs.
Friends, Parents, Teachers, Teacher’s Aids. I stand before you with a message.
As Preschoolers, we are bound together by a single fate. Preschool. It will be the greatest two years in the history of our lives.
I am running to be president for all of this preschool, not half of it, because there’s no victory if your piece is bigger than mine. And I’m not sure what a half is anyway. You learn something every day.
I accept your nomination for president. I promise I will do it right. I’m going to do it right. Actually, I’m going to do it my way. So stop telling me what to do.
Let me begin our morning routine by saying hello to everyone and thank you, especially to my parents for their love and support, which got a little louder at school drop-off I noticed.
I also see you’re all wearing Band-aids on your ears. I should have more band-aids than anyone though. So can I get a few more Band-aids? No, it’s actually great that you’re wearing Band-aids on your ears. The reason is because I can say whatever I want to and you won’t fully understand me. Though let’s face it, it’s not the Band-Aids. Still, I’d like a few more Band-Aids.
And we must not criminalize our disagreements over the big T-Rex, which is what’s been happening in our preschool lately, at a level that nobody has ever seen before. In that spirit, the kids from the Toddler 4’s Blue Room should immediately stop weaponizing the rules and labeling me as an enemy of the playground. Especially since that is not true. In fact, I am the one saving the monkey bars for the kids of our preschool. Believe me.
And very big news, I’m sure you probably just had someone read to you, is that our teacher, a highly respectable person from Florida, said that the Hall Monitor and the fake colored paper case against me were totally unconstitutional, and the entire case was thrown out of the classroom. With all of that publicity — thrown out of the classroom.
So if the Blue Room wants to unify the preschool, they should stop this campaign against me.
And how about the Hulk? How good was he? You see that? Boy, oh boy. Most people don’t know that he’s not the same as the Incredible Hulk, right? Does anyone know? Lot of people don’t know that. The Incredible Hulk is my favorite. Then Batman. I never liked Spider Man that much. It’s the truth.
Together we can lead this preschool to new heights like our parents never saw before. We got hit with a lot of bad things before, nobody knew what any of them were. Because we were only three years old. But we did a great job. And now we’re four.
I am here tonight to lay out a vision for the whole preschool. Coming in, we did a great job. We handed over the whole alphabet, never got credit for it. Cut papers with the numbers 1 and 2. We created Space, and the planets. We did so much. We do so much. No one will question my power. Not our parents, that’s for sure. Not our teachers. Our borders will be totally secure, I’m using all the blocks. The red ones and yellow ones and the ones that are just plain wood. There’s a crisis. Nobody can believe what’s happening. Because we need stability and harmony all throughout the school. And you know, it’s bad. It’s very, very bad.
Whatever comes our way, we’re preschoolers and we persevere. We always get our way. Ice cream before dinner. We can do that. We’re preschoolers. No tooth-brushing. Not ever. Be relentless. Greatness is our heritage. Nothing will slow us. Believe me. More than ever, we’re going to run in the classroom, run in the hallways, run up the slide. We’re going to do it.
No one will ever stop us. We’re going to run in the street without holding hands. No matter what dangers come our way, no matter what obstacles lie in our path.
Be excited. Be excited.
Win, win, win, win, win, win.
And quite simply put, we will very quickly make this preschool great again.
Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you.
https://foreignpolicy.com/live/heather-cox-richardson-on-american-democracy/
...make america preschool again...
The inside view of the preschoolers experience of what really matters. thank you